Tevye the Dairyman and the Railroad Stories Read online

  And that’s what he did. I came home, I took one, two, three grains of the stuff, and after a while—it didn’t happen at once, but later on, in the middle of the night—I had such pains that I thought I was kicking the bucket. I swear, I was sure I was on my last gasp! A doctor was called, and then another—it was all they could do to bring me back from death’s door … Well, now I know that if a Jew from Kamenetz tries giving you a yellow powder, you should tell him to take a powder himself. Every lesson has its price.

  When you go third class and wake up in the morning to discover that you’ve left your tefillin and your prayer shawl at home, there isn’t any cause for alarm—you only need to ask and you’ll be given someone else’s, along with whatever else you require. All that’s expected of you in return, once you’re done praying, is to open your suitcase and display your own wares. Vodka, cake, a hard-boiled egg, a drumstick, a piece of fish—it’s all grist for the mill. Perhaps you have an apple, an orange, a piece of Strudel? Out with it, no need to be ashamed! Everyone will be glad to share it with you, no one stands on ceremony here. A train ride and good company, you understand, are two things that create an appetite … And of course, if you happen to have a wee bit of wine with you, there’s no lack of volunteer tasters, each with his own verdict and name for it. “It’s a Bessarabian muscat,” says one. “No, it’s an imported Akerman,” says another. “What kind of muscat?” says a third, getting angrily to his feet. “What kind of Akerman? Can’t you tell it’s a Koveshaner Bordeaux?” At which point a fourth fellow rises from his corner with the smile of a true connoisseur, accepts the glass of wine with an expression that says, “Stand back, you duffers, this calls for an expert,” takes a few sips, and pronounces, his cheeks flushed a merrymaker’s red:

  “Jews, do you know what this is? No, I can see that you don’t. It’s neither more nor less than a pure, simple, honest, no-nonsense, homemade Berdichev kiddush wine!”

  And everyone realizes that the man is right, a Berdichev kiddush wine it is. And since quite a few tongues have been loosened by the time the wine has made its rounds, suddenly everyone is telling everybody everything, and everything is being told to everyone. The whole car is talking together at once in a splendid show of Jewish solidarity. Before long each of us not only knows all about the others’ troubles, he knows about every trial and tribulation that ever befell a Jew anywhere. It’s enough to warm the cockles of your heart!

  When you travel third class and arrive in some town and don’t know where to stay, you have a car full of Jews to help you out. In fact, the number of different places recommended will tally exactly with the number of Jews in the car. “The Hotel Frankfurt,” says one of them, singing the praises of his choice. “It’s bright and it’s cheery, it’s clean and it’s breezy, it’s the biggest bargain in town.” “The Hotel Frankfurt?” exclaims someone else. “God forbid! It’s dark and it’s dreary, it’s sordid and sleazy, it’s the biggest gyp joint around. If you really want to enjoy yourself, I suggest you try the Hotel New York.” “The only reason I can think of for staying in the New York,” puts in another traveler, “is that you’re homesick for bedbugs. Here, hand me your bag and come with me to my favorite, the Hotel Russia. It’s the only place for a Jew!”

  Of course, having given him your bag you had better keep an eye on him to make sure he doesn’t make off with it … but I ask you, where in this wonderful world of ours aren’t there thieves nowadays? Either you’re fated to meet up with one or you’re not. If it’s in your crystal ball to be robbed, you can be cleaned out in broad daylight, and no amount of prayers or policemen will make the slightest difference. If anything, you’ll thank your lucky stars that you got away with your life …

  In a word, go third class. Those are the parting words to you of a good friend and a practical man, a commercial traveler.

  Adieu!

  (1902)

  Glossary and Notes

  Entries in this glossary appear in the same order as in the text, according to page number. Included are translations, source attributions, and when necessary, explications of Tevye’s Hebrew quotations and of those made by the narrator of “Burned Out”; explanations of Jewish customs that may not be familiar to the general reader; and identifications of historical personages and events mentioned in Tevye and The Railroad Stories. Glossarized words, phrases, and names appearing more than once in the volume are generally cross-referenced—unless they occur in the same chapter or story, in which case they are listed only once. English translations of Biblical quotations use the King James text, with occasional emendations to suit the context. Translations of other Hebrew sources are my own. In the case of fragmentary quotations from the Bible, the prayer book, etc., the English translation often includes the entire verse or passage from which these are taken; in such instances, the English words that correspond to the Hebrew fragment in the text appear in italics. Quotations not translated in the glossary have already been translated in the text itself.

  As mentioned in the Introduction, Tevye’s Hebrew is transliterated here according to the East European pronunciation. Readers wishing to pronounce it as he did should follow these rules:

  “Kh” is a guttural pronounced like the “ch” in “Bach” or the Scottish “loch.” (In proper names like Chava or Menachem Mendl, the “ch” is pronounced in the same way.)

  “Oy” is as in “boy.”

  “Ey” is as in “grey.”

  “Ai” and “ay” are like “ie” in “pie.”

  “O” and “oh” are like “aw” in “law.”

  “I” is like “ee” in “seen.”

  “U” is like “oo” in “boot.”

  “A” is as in “father.”

  “E” and “eh” are as in “get.”

  In multisyllabic words, the next-to-last syllable is generally stressed.

  Tevye the Dairyman

  PAGE

  1 Revakh vehatsoloh ya’amoyd layehudim—“For if thou holdest thy peace at this time, then shall enlargement and deliverance arise to the Jews from another place”; Esther, 4:14.

  2 Shavuos—Shavuoth or Pentecost, a two-day holiday in late spring commemorating the giving of the Torah.

  3 Rashi—The acronymic name of Rabbi Shlomo Yitzchaki of Troyes (1040–1105), whose popular commentary on the Bible is commonly read by observant Jews on the Sabbath in the course of reviewing the weekly portion from the Pentateuch.

  4 Targum—The first-century Aramaic translation of the Bible by Onkelos the Proselyte that, like the commentary of Rashi, is traditionally studied with the weekly Torah reading.

  5 Perek—The Mishnaic tractate of Pirkey Avot, The Ethics of the Fathers. (See this page.)

  6 Zon umefarneys lakoyl—“For He is a God who nourishes and supports all life”; from the grace regularly recited after meals.

  7 Mi yorum umi yishofeyl—“Who shall be raised up and who shall be brought low”; from the unesaneh toykef prayer on the High Holy Days, in which God is described as deciding the fates of everyone for the coming year. In the prayer book the phrase occurs as mi yishofeyl umi yorum, “who shall be brought low and who shall be raised up.”

  8 Atoh bekhartonu—“For Thou hast chosen us among all the nations”; from the holiday prayer book.

  9 Vayehi hayoym—“And it came to pass”; a common Biblical phrase introducing a new story or episode in a narrative.

  10 Shimenesre—The “eighteen benedictions,” a lengthy devotion recited as part of the morning, afternoon, and evening prayers and structured around nineteen (originally eighteen) blessings, the first of which begins, “Blessed art Thou, O Lord, our God and God of our fathers, God of Abraham, God of Isaac, and God of Jacob.” When praying by himself, a Jew says the shimenesre silently and without moving from his place—which only heightens the comedy of Tevye’s shouting the prayer out loud while running after his horse.

  11 Mekhalkeyl khayim bekhesed—From the second benediction of the shimenesre, as is umekayeym emunosoy lisheyney
ofor.

  12 Re’ey-no be’onyeynu—From the seventh benediction.

  13 Refo’eynu veneyrofey—From the eighth benediction.

  14 Boreykh oleynu—From the ninth benediction.

  15 Velamahhinim al tehi tikvoh—From the twelfth benediction.

  16 Ov harakhamon—From the sixteenth benediction.

  17 Shma koyleynu—“Hearken to our voice”; from the sixteenth benediction.

  18 Khus verakheym oleynu—“Have mercy and pity us”; also from the sixteenth benediction.

  19 Retsey—“Accept Thy people Israel, O Lord, our God, and hearken to its prayers, and restore its worship to Thy holy temple”; from the seventeenth benediction.

  20 Hamavdil beyn koydesh lekhoyl—“Blessed art Thou, O Lord, our God, King of the Universe, who separateth the holy [Sabbath] from the profane [week]”; from the havdalah, the prayer formally ending the Sabbath that is said on Saturday night. Tevye’s comic rhyme implies that God not only keeps the Sabbath and the rest of the week well apart from each other, but also does the same with the rich and the poor.

  21 Bemokoym she’eyn ish—“In a place where there are no men [of moral or religious stature], try to be a man”; from The Ethics of the Fathers. Tevye’s rhyme stands this adage on its head: whereas the original quotation means that in a place where ideals of conduct are disregarded one must nevertheless try to live up to them, he himself is saying that when the reality falls short of the ideal, one makes do with what there is.

  22 Vehayeled eynenu—“And he returned unto his brethren and said, ‘The child is not’ ”; Genesis, 37:30.

  23 Yom Kippur songs—Being a penitential fast day, Yom Kippur, the Day of Atonement, does not have festive songs, though some of its prayers are sung in the synagogue. Tevye’s choice of these inappropriate melodies reflects how drunk he is.

  24 “King Solomon wasn’t joking”—Tevye is referring to the verse in Ecclesiastes, 7:28, “One man among a thousand I have found; but a woman among all those have I not found.”

  25 Koyl oyreyv lemineyhu—“Every raven after his kind”; Leviticus, 11:15.

  26 Raboys makhshovoys belev ish—Proverbs, 19:21.

  27 Kulom ahuvim, kulom brurim—“All are beloved, all are elect, all are intrepid, all are holy, all perform the will of their Maker in awe.” From a description of the angelic hosts in the morning prayer.

  28 Yehalelkho zor—“Let another man praise thee, and not thine own mouth.” Proverbs, 27:2.

  29 Odom yesoydoy mi’ofor—“Man is but dust.” From the High Holy Day prayer.

  30 Hakoyl hevel—“All is vanity.” Ecclesiastes, 1:2.

  31 Koyl dikhfin yeysey veyitzrokh—Tevye is jokingly misquoting the opening line of the Passover seder ritual. According to the Haggadah, the seder liturgy, Jews sitting down to the ceremonial meal begin by inviting the homeless and hungry to join them, saying, Koyl dikhfin yeysey veyeykhul; koyl ditzrikh yeysey veyifsakh—“Let all who are hungry come and eat; let all who are needy come and observe the Passover.” Tevye’s version, however, means, “Let all who are hungry come and be needy.”

  32 “If you don’t mind my quoting King David”—Tevye is clowning, for he knows perfectly well that this verse from Ecclesiastes is attributed to King Solomon, not to King David, who is traditionally considered to be the author of Psalms.

  33 Akudim nekudim uvrudim—“And behold, the rams which leaped upon the cattle were streaked, speckled, and grizzled.” Tevye likes these words from Genesis 31:10 because of their rhythm and internal rhyme, and uses them to refer a series of something without being overly pedantic about their literal meaning.

  34 Begapoy yovoy uvegapoy yeytsey—“If he comes [to his master] with nothing, he shall depart with nothing.” Exodus, 21:3, from a passage dealing with the Israelite laws of slavery and manumission.

  35 Rashi The “commentary” on the verse from Exodus attributed to him by Tevye is, of course, Tevye’s own

  36 “I’m talking Purim costumes and you’re talking Hanukkah candles”—On Purim, the holiday celebrating the foiling of Haman’s plot to kill the Jews, it was a custom in parts of Eastern Europe to dress in costume and go mumming; on Hanukkah, which celebrates the victory of the Maccabees, candles are lit on each of the eight nights of the holiday.

  37 Hazoyrim bedimoh berinoh yiktsoyru—“They that sow in tears shall reap in joy.” Psalms, 126:5. Tevye’s misattribution of the verse to Abraham is again deliberate buffoonery.

  38 Lav akhboro ganvo—“It’s not the mouse that’s the thief, but the hole [that beckons to it].” A Talmudic proverb.

  39 Revakh vehatsolohya’amoyd layehudim.

  40 Vayisu misukoys—“And they journeyed from Succoth and encamped in Etham, on the edge of the wilderness.” Exodus, 13:20.

  41 Oylim veyordim—“And he dreamed, and behold a ladder set up on the earth … and behold the angels of God ascending and descending on it.” Genesis, 28:12. Tevye seems to be associating the words either with the rotary motion of wheels or with the coming and going of supplicants to a rich man’s house.

  42 Eyn oymer ve’eyn dvorim—“Day unto day uttereth speech, and night unto night showeth knowledge. There is no speech nor utterance where their voice is not heard.” Psalms, 19:3.

  43 Vehayeled eynenu.

  44 Vayivrakh Ya’akoyv—“And Jacob fled with all that he had.” Genesis, 31:21.

  45 Ka’asher ovadeti ovadeti—“If I perish, I perish.” Esther, 4:16.

  46 Loy dubim veloy ya’ar—Literally, “neither bears nor woods”; a rabbinic expression (based on the story of the prophet Elisha and the bears in Kings II, 24) that means, “There’s neither hide nor hair of it,” “It’s a figment of the imagination,” etc.

  47 Lekhayim veloy lamoves—“For life and not for death, for a blessing and not for a curse.” From the prayers for dew and rain.

  48 Altis’haleyl beyoym mokhor—“Boast not of tomorrow, for thou knowest not what today may bring forth.” Proverbs, 27:1.

  49 Vetso’akoh hane’aroh—“For he found her in the field [and abused her] and the maiden cried, and there was no one to save her.” Deuteronomy, 22:27.

  50 “The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away”—Job, 1:21. 341 Li hakesef veli hazohov—“The silver is mine and the gold is mine, saith the Lord of Hosts.” Haggai, 2:18.

  51 Be’al korkhekho atoh khai—“Regardless of thy will thou art conceived, and regardless of thy will thou art born, and regardless of thy will thou livest, and regardless of thy will thou diest.” From The Ethics of the Fathers; a favorite quote of Tevye’s.

  52 Koyl ha’odom koyzev—“I said in my haste, all men are liars.” Psalms, 116:11. Apparently Tevye is referring to the bill of goods that Menachem Mendl has sold him—unless he is confusing the verb koyzev, “lie,” with koy’ev, “hurt.”

  53 Bonim gidalti veroymamti—“I have nourished and brought up children, and they have rebelled against me.” Isaiah, 1:2.

  54 Loy mi’uktsokh veloy miduvshokh—“Neither from your sting nor from your honey”; a rabbinic expression meaning, “Just do me no harm and I’ll gladly do without your favors.”

  55 Askakurdo dimaskanto dikarnaso difarsmakhto—This is a sheer nonsense phrase, although one whose Aramaic prefixes and suffixes give it a Talmudic sound.

  56 Odom koroyv le’atsmoy—“A man is closest to his own self”; a rabbinic saying.

  57 Im eyn kemakh eyn Toyroh—“If there is no flour, there is no Torah”; from The Ethics of the Fathers, meaning that before one can study, one has to eat.

  58 Rashi Here again Tevye is putting his own words in the commentator’s mouth.

  59 Rokheyl mevakoh al boneho—“A voice is heard in Ramah, lamentation and bitter weeping; Rachel weeping for her children, refusing to be comforted for her children, for they are gone.” Jeremiah, 31:15.

  60 Gemara—The larger and more difficult part of the Talmud, consisting of lengthy and involved Aramaic commentary on the shorter and simpler Hebrew Mishnah.

  61
Haggadah

  62 Haneshomoh lokh—“The soul is thine and the body is thine.” From the penitential prayers said before the High Holy Days. For the sake of the witticism, Tevye overlooks the second half of the verse.

  63 Tsoholoh vesomeykhoh—“And the city of Shushan rejoiced and was glad.” Esther, 8:15.

  64 The hallel prayer—A prayer of praise and thanksgiving to God, composed of Psalms 113–118, that is recited in the morning service on major holidays. All Tevye’s quotations on this and the following page are from it.

  65 Hashomayim shomayim ladoynai—“The heavens are the Lord’s.” Psalms, 115:16.

  66 Veha’orets nosan livney odom—“But the earth He hath given to the children of men.” Psalms, 115:16.

  67 Loy hameysim yehallelu yoh—“The dead praise not the Lord.” Psalms, 115:17.

  68 Ve’anakhnu nevoreykh yoh—“But we will bless the Lord.” Psalms, 115:18.

  69 Ohavti ki yishma—“I love [the Lord], because He hath heard my voice and my supplications.” Psalms, 116:1.

  70 Ofafuni khevley moves—“The sorrows of death compassed me, and the pains of hell got hold upon me: I found trouble and sorrow.” Psalms, 116:3.

  71 Ani omarti bekhofzi

  72 Koyl ha’odom koyzev—“… all men are liars.” Psalms, 116:11.

  73 Oydkho ki anisoni—“I will praise Thee, for Thou hast answered me and art become my salvation.” Psalms, 118:21.

  74 Hakoyl hevel

  75 The Four Questions—At the beginning of the Passover seder the youngest child present customarily asks four questions about the nature of the occasion that are designed to elicit from those present the recital of the story of the exodus. The Four Questions begin with the words ma nishtanoh—“how is this [night] different?”